There's Always a Downside...

Before I moved to Baltimore, everyone told me how incredibly terrifying and crime riddled it was and while that may be true for parts of Baltimore, it's certainly not true for all of it. Baltimore has some absolutely incredible places and lots of fun things to do. That being said, Charm City has a few less than charming qualities. If you rep Baltimore or if you are easily offended by 5 feet tall bloggers talking smack about it... stop reading now. For those of you still with me, here we go!

1. The very first thing I noticed when I moved here is how BAD everyone is at driving. Let's just say if I'm the standard of good driving, you're doing it wrong. YOU.ARE.DOING.IT.WRONG. 

I can tolerate speeding because I have been known to go a few miles over here and there BUT I cannot tolerate people who are reaching levels of fast that Vin Diesel would cringe at. Yeah... I made a Fast and Furious reference. Don't like it? TOOOOOOOOOO BAD! Seriously though... if I'm already doing 15 over, you shouldn't be zooming by me like I'm the slow poke. Here's another tip for all you crazy motorists: TURN YOUR BLINKERS ON! TURN THEM ON RIGHT EFFING NOW! It drives me insane (pun intended!) that the people here never use their turn signals! And it wouldn't be SO bad if they didn't just dart across 3 lanes of highway to cut you off because they missed their exit. I have had cars almost send me off the road because they just zig zag in and out of lanes all willy nilly and don't look where they're going. They just do what they want and expect the other person to adjust. If you're ever driving up here, please proceed with caution. This Chow meme used to be a joke about me because my friends think I'm a bad driver but... it doesn't compare. IT DOESN'T COMPARE.

2. The next thing I noticed in "Charm" city was just how UNcharming the general population is. There are obviously exceptions to this because I have met some pretty fabulous people here BUT the overall consensus? A-HOLES. Let me give you a few examples so you can see that I'm not just comparing it to the friendliness of South Carolina folks (oh wait, I am). The first week we moved in, I had no idea where anything was. I googled Wal-Mart (even though I have come to hate the superstore) because I just needed a few quick things and it was closer (or so I thought) than the Target. When I walked in, I immediately noticed this particular Wal-Mart was seriously lacking in cleanliness, for one thing, and in organization. It was laid out very poorly which led to me not being able to find a few things. While browsing, I asked A WAL-MART EMPLOYEE where I could find a lunch box (C. takes his lunch to work sometimes ... aww!) and instead of just guiding me in the right direction, this lady freaked out. She turned towards me and ripped her name tag off while she screamed: "DANG!! I NEED TO TAKE THIS SHIT OFF BECAUSE I AM OFF DUTY!" Of course, I stood there stunned as all get out because I had no idea how to react to this lunatic. When she realized I wasn't moving or speaking, she replied "I DON'T KNOW... IT'S IN THE HOME AREA SOMEWHERE." That was experience number one. Yes, there have been more. Needless to say, I have not stepped even a toe in that store since and I always go to Target, which I later found out was just on the other side of the highway. It just so happens that incident number two took place in Target! I was wandering about the aisles, collecting my items when I came to a shelf with something I needed. Unfortunately, there was a gentleman complete asshole standing right in front of what I needed. Oh, and just my luck! He was on the phone. I said "Excuse me" a few times before I finally tapped him to let him know I needed to grab the thing he was in front of. This douchehole turned around (still on his phone!) and says "JESUS CHRIST LADY! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ON THE PHONE?" I was in complete shock that he raised his voice over something so tiny. My reply was simply, "I have said excuse me several times and you're blocking the product I need to get. If you don't need any of this stuff, you shouldn't be blocking the aisle and chatting while other people are waiting." He just threw his hands up, rolled his eyes and probably muttered several choice words about me to the person he was chatting with. I just don't understand it. Those were just a couple unfriendly encounters but I feel like I see them on a daily basis here. Even when I'm jogging or out walking the dogs, people are not quick to say hello or just throw up a wave. I mean, whatever happened to just being kind to each other. Sheesh! Like I said before, this negative quality isn't extended to ALL of Baltimore, but certainly a large part of it. If you're living in Charm City.... be charming. Dang. 

3. The crime and poverty in parts of the city are sometimes frightening but they are also very sad. I haven't encountered a lot of these areas but I have taken the occasional wrong turn and immediately navigated my way back to the good parts. There are a few bridges I drive by once in a while and see homeless people living under them using old, tattered couches for bedding. I even saw one man drinking puddle water during a rainstorm once. When we were deciding where to live in up here, I made the mistake (not really a mistake if you're looking for a safe part of town) of pulling up the Baltimore crime map and I was just floored. The crime varied in levels starting with purse snatchings and ending with the most brutal, rape and murder. There are exceptions like Fed Hill, Fells Point, The Inner Harbor etc. but if you don't know those places, make sure you learn them quickly! I mean, I always knew what people said about Bmore and I've seen some of The Wire, but it doesn't really hit you until you're about to live smack dab in it. Even when our real estate agent took us around to look at houses, we opted not to get out in some locations because it was so scary looking. I don't do drugs but from what I hear on the news and from locals, drugs are everywhere in certain parts of the city. To be clear, I've only driven through (at Vin Diesel speeds!) a few bad neighborhoods so I've never actually come face to face with it but I'm very aware of what parts of Baltimore I'm in and which parts I need to stay in whenever I go to the city. And that's just sad. I know there are several organizations and programs working hard to clean up the really bad neighborhoods and I can only hope they succeed. 

Tips: If you are ever in an area where there are blue alert lights all over the place or if you're in an area with a lot of vacant/boarded up rowhomes... probably not the best place to be unless you're looking for trouble.

Welp, there you have it. 

The Friend Zone

Despite the title of this post, it's not actually about getting friend zoned by that one person you think you're in love with. It's just about hanging out with friends on a Friday night in Odenton, Maryland. Odenton is about 20-30 minutes outside of Baltimore but C. and I have a good friend that resides in O-town and just typing the word "O'Town" has me flashing back to THIS. If you didn't click that link, you're missing out on a lot of spiked hair and denim. And now that I got that out of my system, back to Odenton. We met our homeboy and his girlfriend out for some good ol' Mexican food at a little place called Pachanga Grill and let me tell you.. the tequila was flowing! The food was pretty standard Mexican food but their queso was really good and not at all like the standard cheese dip most Mexican restaurants serve. Also, I had guacamole on my nachos and it was pretty delish! The real hoot was the argument about single margaritas versus ordering a pitcher. Our server told us that a pitcher was approximately 4 margs so after already gulping down 3 margs each, we ordered a pitcher to see just how many it actually was. There was a little more than 4 in a pitcher but certainly not THAT much more. After that many margaritas we were already feeling good but that didn't stop us. If anything, it encouraged more bad behavior like ZJ stealing the wooden spoon from the margarita pitcher (it was returned before we left!) and C. telling the waitress my "tiny tummy" just couldn't handle all the food there. I mean she probably thought we were all crazy. 

So what did we do after leaving Pachanga Grill? We obviously picked up some beer and headed back to ZJ's to continue the party. It was at his place that I learned why Lisa Left Eye Lopez was called "Left Eye." Apparently, she wore a condom on her left eye to promote safe sex. Yep, didn't know that!  It was also where we watched this hilarious video and brought this song back from the grave. There is always something to do in Baltimore because it's such a big city but sometimes you just want to have a ridiculous dinner with some close friends and hang out with the comforts of home and YouTube videos. 

Sidenote: I'm pretty sure I was the only one that didn't wake up with a hangover on Saturday. WINNING! 

Fed Hill-oween!

This post is going to be pretty short because there's really not a whole lot you can say about Halloween. I mean... you know the drill... COSTUMES, BOOZE, DANCING.

I can't even explain how I excited I get when Halloween rolls around. It is absolutely one of the funnest holidays to celebrate, especially as an adult! As a kid, Halloween is fun because you get to stuff your face full of candy and go into a sugar coma, whereas adults stuff their faces with alcohol and usually dress inappropriately for their ages... and sometimes body types. Even though it wasn't quite All Hallow's Eve yet, we celebrated last weekend in Fed Hill with one of my best friends and our main squeezes. CJ and her man went as Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox while C. and I went as Minions! We all looked super adorbs and ended up having so much fun. Federal Hill does Halloween up big with a celebration called Fed-Hill-Oween which is totally worth the $7 ($10 the night of) they charge you to participate. It's basically a bar crawl throughout the neighborhood and a super fun costume contest. We arrived around 7pm to the headquarters, Mother's. This is where we picked up our wristbands which is crucial! The wristband guarantees you discounted drink specials at each bar participating and when you pick up the wristband, you are also given a number. We put our number on C.'s back so people along the bar hop or just people on the street could text it in to vote for our costumes. The best part of the entire night was just people watching and judging everyone's ridiculous costumes. It was so much fun. Lots of drinking and dancing (including CJ and C.'s dance off at Ropewalk Tavern) and just a ton of fun. If you are ever in the Baltimore area for Halloween and you love dressing up... please participate! You won't regret it... unless your costume is bad. And trust me, there were some bad ones...

Below are some pictures of our shenanigans from the night. It's ok if you laugh at our ridiculousness... we did! :)

Babe the Blue Ox (CJ) and 2 crazy minions. Thanks for being my sidekick, C.!

Babe and Paul Bunyan! What a beautimous couple <3

CJ found Ted. Ted was so sad....